2082 04 18 , Sunday 

The weather is little cloudy , Wind is wispering softness in my ears .

Lost in thoughts of doing something i left untouched for so long,

Lying on bed ,

so many things are waiting for me to feel motivated to start . 

These thoughts are boggling my mind , i am swarmed with the do it right away kind of feelings. When Kreepa was talking about what i used to do, how i used to manage my balance throughout my life . I came up with a feeling of joy , and i was tickled by the idea of starting off  my journaling journey again. The journey that always helped me to keep balance in my life . The road that always guided me to the managed life I wanted to do this work always . The reason this blog is alive is because it always helped me to keep track of my journey digitally . I know people prefer to write on journal book , i even had purchased such book but never kept consistency on writing . Later I got an idea of writting as a free bird not as a chore that must be done . The idea of doing it regularly feels like a duty , it doesn't feel exciting . So i have decided to write as much as possible , as much as i get time to write , as such as i dont have anything left to ink my feelings . I know journaling is a best habit of most of the people who are well managed and well behaved . I want to make consistency and commited to it , The motto of my life was also " You start with COMMITMENT and you end with CONSISTENCY " . But where am I?

Am i lost in the bombardment of loads of work that are unfinished , Where am I ? Am i stuck inside the piles of my passion and ambition . Where am I ?

Am i like a man living a life of misery ?

Am i not confident on what i do ?

Am i not focused in my life ?

The bitter answer is "YES"

YES I am stuck inside the piles of unfinished works .

YES I have lost focus and attention.

Not only that YES I have lost control over my emotions .

I am not emotionally intelligent , Yet I pretend i am. 

I have ego , i can feel in my stomach .

I have rushing problem .

I cant stay in the same place for so long .

I feel bored  I am addicted to instant gratification.

I might not show off but at some point I am trying to impress people knowingly , unknowingly.

I dont connect to GOD.

I dont want  to listen people rather i pose my opinion first . 

I judge people based on my assumption. 

I feel like i dont like people much .

I might be social being but I have toxic kind of traits.

I may have the mentality of a funny person but i cant take words for myself.

I try not to understand others suggestions , I make my decisions and regret later.

This means I know myself Very well .

Then what's the point of knowing , if i am living the same viscious cycle of daily routine . 

Whats wrong with me ?

I will figure out soon.......................

Signing off .....